End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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