rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
