Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
