do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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