I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
