fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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