birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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