your parents love me but you hate me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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