he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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