there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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