Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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