I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
