Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
