she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
