I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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