My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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