If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Alive.
So much puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
