I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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