i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
