and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my poor anus
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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