I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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