And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
