i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
