he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
