your parents love me but you hate me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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