can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
