I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
