I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
