Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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