my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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