I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
