i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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