I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
