and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
