its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
