On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize