Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
