does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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