I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
