And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And then he peed in my hair
the raccoons are back...
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