I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize