I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
