I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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