I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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