I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
