im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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