I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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