Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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