how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
