The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
