How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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