I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
