so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
