He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
