I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
