Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
