Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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