Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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