and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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