woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
