don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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