Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
